This week ends in a mix of emotions... This is not something new for me.... I lie in bed lonely yet again... How is this possible? How is it the man I want most to be there for me is here in his office and I feel alone? We are married but lately it doesn't feel like that....
Friday I got stood up by someone I've been talking to a lot... I'm not even surprised really... And now I haven't heard from him since Wednesday.... Was silly to think someone might be interested in me... That it could have turned into something fun... I've got a message written for him and I just can't send it... I want to tell him he sucks especially since he's the one who's been pushing to meet me....
Then there is Him, finally got to see Him again this week... It's been a long time but it was amazing... I cannot stop replaying that night in my head... This time was different with him... We had time... We got to really enjoy each other... He said things to me that He never said before... The way He stopped and looked into my eyes...
So yet again I'm lying in bed listening to the rain outside and I know He's hearing it too lying in bed just a few streets away... The train goes by between us... And I hear the fire trucks which I know He hears as well from his bed... The difference is he's not thinking of me because he's not lonely... He's lying next to his wife his child down the hall... and me I'm alone in bed my husband ignoring me.... I've lost count of how many nights end like this.... Two empty rooms down the hall that are not likely to even have my child in them....
So again I cry into the night... Not wanting to feel alone anymore.....
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