I pod strikes again ... Ok not the I pod but slacker radio!!!

    So once again I find myself  listening to music, this is not unusual for me I either have my iPod going, the satellite radio or my new addiction slacker radio on my iPhone...

     This time is a little different though I have so much on my mind while I'm packing for the big move to the new house, that I barely hear the music playing in the background. I'm worrying about getting everything done for Saturday's big move, thinking of what still needs to be done to finish up the estate, what needs to be done about my Grandmother, my impending trip to New Brunswick, the conversation I had with a friend the night before.... 

     And of course Him... Yes the one with the capital H... Him... the one I'm not supposed to think of, the one I shouldn't want to be with... Him... The one I haven't seen since March... The one I wonder if I'll every get to see again... Him... The one I miss so much... The one I would give just about anything to be with right now... Him... The one who cheered me on yesterday when I told Him I had gotten the keys to my new house... The one who gave me a virtual hug when I needed it after leaving my grandmother's...the one who called me Hun yesterday!?!.... That was just odd that never has happened since... Well NEVER!!! Never has he called me by anything but my name....

     Hun... Does He realize how that made me feel... Don't get me wrong I'm not in love with Him... But I do love Him... I know this sounds contradictory but let me explain... As far as I'm concerned there are different kinds of love... The way you love your parents, your siblings, your spouse, your friends.... Those are all different... What I feel for Him is a variation of that... Did he know how badly at that moment I needed to hear that He cared... For some reason He seems to always know... Hun... So simple yet so meaningful... I know I know some people Hun everyone... But He does not... His "I'm sorry Hun" yesterday, if sincere.... Said I care for you... And honestly that was almost as good as a hug.... Almost!

     I try to stop thinking about Him... Because I know no matter what I will not get to see Him before August if at all.... He's on vacation next week and then I'm away... I finally move on to other things and start preparing to go to The Nasty Show.... I'm in the shower and this song comes on...

     This song I haven't heard in years... This song I once really enjoyed and would even say I loved... This song someone had put on a mixed CD for me years ago... Because he thought it was about us... Well today I realize it's about me and Him... It's the same song as years ago but it's a different him, a different circumstance, and a different time in my life but it speaks as loudly as before... Maybe even more so with Him now!!!

     Hearing the song makes me miss Him even more... Our busy lives are getting in the way of seeing each other... I guess that's the case when your meeting up on stolen time... Hopefully moving closer to Him may help... Not that that is the reason I'm moving... The song reminds me of the rush of meeting up... Reminds me of the "rules" we set forth... Reminds me off the fact that I broke one of them and  that upsets me because I feel that I betrayed Him in doing so... Reminds me of the promises we made to each other... 

      All comes back to Him... I miss Him... I want to be with Him... I want to sneak away with Him... The one like me that has so much to hide... So much too loose... MY DIRTY LITTLE SECRET!!!